My scapegoat child symptoms

  • Being suspicious and distrustful;
    • often looking over my shoulder
    • constantly alert to danger
    • always having the feeling that something is not right

 

  • At the same time, I always see the good in people and often trust everyone 'just like that', which is sometimes a good trait but can also be a pitfall;
    • I often share far too much, which is sometimes passed on in the wrong way, to the point of getting worse
    • I often interact with all kinds of different people
    • when I am feeling good about myself, I often don't realize quickly enough when someone has bad intentions

 

  • Easily scared and insecure, even though I know myself that it is good;
    • fortunately, I know myself pretty well already and know when I am doing something right
    • nevertheless, at certain moments and in the presence of certain people, I can suddenly feel insecure
    • now that I am reading books and listening to podcasts about narcissistic abuse, I know that certain feelings and memories are being stirred up

 

  • Seeking validation, while I know myself that what I am doing is right;
    • if I had made something that I liked myself, I would always ask for someone else's opinion
    • nowadays I make all kinds of things for myself, things I just find beautiful
    • of course it is nice to receive appreciation and compliments
    • sometimes I still have this restless feeling when I don't get a reply to a message for a while

 

  • Constant restlessness in my entire being;
    • whatever I did and wherever I was, I constantly felt an inner restlessness
    • sometimes that was accompanied by heart palpitations or headaches and nausea
    • sometimes my whole body would shake from the tension
    • fortunately, I now know better how to deal with it, and the restlessness is also much less

 

  • Constantly feeling like I 'have to' do something, feeling restless about obligations;
    • it is just like with inner turmoil, the feeling as if I always 'have to' do something
    • it also gives a sense of losing control and not knowing where you stand
    • having to go somewhere but not knowing exactly where, or not knowing what you need
    • my solution for this is to stay close to myself, wherever and whenever
    • my solution is to constantly ask myself: 'what do I need right now to feel good'
    • these solutions and many more wise pieces of advice are shared in the many podcasts on YouTube about finding yourself again (my favorites are the Dutch experts Patrick Samuel and Marcus Krielen)

 

  • Psychosomatic complaints such as persistent joint pain, stabbing and pricking sensations throughout my body;

    • just like the inner turmoil and the feeling of losing control, pains can arise suddenly

    • a twinge here and there or a tingling foot, these are all reactions to stuck feelings and trauma to process

    • the joint complaints that I already have from a medical point of view, whether or not due to Triple X syndrome, are aggravated at certain precarious moments

 

  • Respecting everyone, taking everyone into account, which is often a good quality but can also be a pitfall;
    • I sometimes walk on eggshells so as not to bother others and then forget to live the way I would like to
    • I then forget to live the way I would like to
    • I make little noise, wear headphones when listening to music and watching television (exceptions aside)
    • according to other experts by experience, it is better to get really angry every now and then, to let go of unpleasant feelings
    • I do practice this letting go through dancing and moving, wonderfully in my own domain